Close all your doors and windows! Take off your shoes! And the rest of your clothes! Lock up your daughters, and sons, then let them out again! And run, wildly, towards the Yellow Room of the Chapel in the Garden, in Bridport, this New Year's Eve.
And what, in your stupor of unrelenting delight, will you find there that cold, winter's evening?
Fine people, pillars of the community, chortling with the miscreants and the ne'er do wells. A feast of savoury snacks and delectable desserts, made by the hands of peoples. A wealth of live music, excessive entertainment, and beamy delights.
The fifth of Bridport's popular feast of entertainment so cutting edge that it hurts like a paper-cut but doesn't wound too deeply, because it's just a paper cut, but it really hurts. But you just love to press down on it.
With performances from force-of-nature and King Elvis Herod, whirlwind wizard of ebony and ivory Robert Lee, malfunctioning and factory-reject badly-made pop-star Ergo Phizmiz, Human Christmas Tree Martha Moopette, and Bridport's most famous man President Flora Bertolli. The evening will also feature a performance by the supergroup known only as The Last Pub Band in the Universe, who will play, and perhaps hurt a bit (but they like the pain), all your favourite songs.
Tickets are just £3, the doors open at 8, and close, well, you know ... later.... bring a bottle or 4. Dressing up welcome but not obligatory. Nakedness always welcome.
